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I lost both of my parents within four months of each other. I knew I would say Kaddish daily, because I saw my parents saying it for their
parents. But I had no idea the impact it would have on me. It ended up becoming a life changing connection to my parents (and my shul).
For those 20–30 minutes, I was present to their memory and felt like they were with me. It was my time to honor them again and stop my
busy day and just “be”. I connected to the other people who said Kaddish at daily minyan and felt their support. Surrounded by the comfort and sacredness in that safe haven my pain was eased. But most importantly, I felt my parents with me.

Having the community and sacredness was a constant source of strength for me. I remember the first time I went to a Yizkor service just
three days after my mom had passed. I was standing in shul by myself and crying quietly thinking no one saw me. Then, quietly, two young
women came and stood next to me. I felt their support and compassion helped me through the rest of Yizkor. I will never forget their kind
gesture, or the strength and comfort that prayer and minyan provided for me.

Daily minyan for those 11 months was a huge help in my healing. It was months before I could say the Kaddish prayer without crying. Even
now 7 years later when I say the Kaddish it is tough to get through it without tears. At the end of the 11th month It was surprisingly difficult
when I said Kaddish for the last time. I had loved the support and while I was saying Kaddish I felt it was OK to still grieve. Now it was time
to move on and stop grieving (although we never really stop grieving, do we.) l suspect we just compartmentalize our sorrow someplace in
our hearts but are given the opportunity return to it every Yahrzeit and Yizkor when we say Kaddish.